also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
