Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
