I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
