i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
