It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
