im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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