she sounds like chewbacca in bed
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
