but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
You ruined the universe
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
