Already got asked if we're dating
We won't sleep together?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
