I've blown a few things in my day
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
