i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
