My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
