she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
