Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
