i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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