Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
