After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
