i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
