Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
the day after is always just damage control
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
