He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
