Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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