Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize