How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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