Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
