she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
