I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
