At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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