every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
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