How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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