I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
