a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
