pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
