My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
