by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
