He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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