there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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