if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
