Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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