my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
