please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
