I hate your face
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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