Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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