haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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