I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
