I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
