My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
