Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
