my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
