I need help removing her.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
