everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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