I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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