I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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