I hate all girls vehemently.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
